You Are Not Broken: Why Therapy Won't Fix You

Have you ever thought that you were broken? The fear that if someone witnessed you in your full expression, if they saw who you really are, they would agree. So, you only share yourself up to a certain point, and hide away anything that feels too shameful, anything that risks your sense of belonging. 

Perfectionism helps keep you safe and you assume that you must earn love and support before you are deserving of receiving it.

But where do these beliefs come from? And are they true?

Toxic shame is an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness and self-loathing stemming from internalized negative beliefs about oneself. It is the story of “I am not good enough”, “I am broken” and “I am unlovable”.

This story often originates from early childhood experiences of consistent criticism, neglect, abuse, or invalidation. Experiences where you reached out for support, that simply wasn’t provided.

As a child you are dependent on your caregivers for your survival, it is too threatening to believe that they could have done something wrong. Our understanding of the world is centred around ourselves, so you can’t comprehend that maybe their behaviour wasn’t about you. It was never about your worth. You simply didn’t have an option to leave, and so this story supported you to cope.

As a therapist, I’m not here to fix you because you were never broken. Your worth is not up for debate, it doesn’t change. My task is to sit alongside you, as we reprocess the times when someone should have been there but wasn’t.

Together, we practice what it is like to remain in relationship to another, even when you’re sharing the parts of yourself that feel shameful or make you feel unworthy. As we do this in loving presence, your authentic self feels safe to re-emerge. You reconnect to a sense of vitality and to the fullness of your being. 

You realise that it was never about you being unworthy. That was just a story you had to tell yourself to survive, and for good reason. Others simply didn’t have the capacity to hold, delight, and support you in the ways you most needed. We might not have had a sense of control back then, but today we do.

Reflection:

⭐ How would you live differently if you were already enough?